How to Dominate Your Business and Life Without Apologies

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3 Key Points:

Find out 3 key questions to ask when you want to know what really drives you, as opposed to what you think it is.
Find out what the companies who are winning do differently to influence their team to success from the ones who hardly can get anyone to move.
And see the secret to removing overwhelm and burnout in your business and personal life.

Show Notes:

Skip to: 02:03 We all have experiences of disappointment, of goals and dreams that have not been met. Aspirations and ambitions we never accomplished, even when we thought we gave it a fair push or what might feel like we gave it our all…

Skip to: 05:15 We so much want to please others, tippy-toeing and not wanting to disappoint which is why so many of us walk around unfulfilled, dissatisfied and feeling empty.

Skip to: 09:10 Most people lack clarity and understanding. They underestimate the time, the money, the energy, and the effort needed. Most people try to get away with doing the minimum and putting in the least amount of effort.

Skip to: 14:59 When you learn to appreciate and honor others values they can become truly complementary and add to your life, instead of thinking you have to change them to fit into your agenda.

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FULL TRANSCRIPT:

I’m always asked,

“Satori why am I stuck? Why am I procrastinating? Why am I not making the money I want? Why am I still overweight? Why do I keep struggling with getting things done?

If you feel like you’re drifting, like you lost your way, that maybe life is living you and you’re not in command of your life, don’t feel like you’re dominating life, but life is dominating you? Then today’s episode will be extra important.

This is part two of our influence trilogy. If you haven’t listened to part one make sure you go back and listen to is. I know you’ll enjoy it.

There are many levels of influence, but for the sake of this conversation, when I say influence, I’m talking about our ability to influence the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors or ourselves and others.

What we’re going to talk about today is a systematic way of taking control of how you think, feel and behave so you can achieve what really matters to you.

This puts you in charge of your dreams and goals so you can dominate your life and not be dominated by it.

Before I go there let’s get a quick understanding of the current map we’re trying to navigate our life through, what’s the current problem we’re facing…

BIG PROBLEM:

We all have experiences of disappointment, of goals and dreams that have not been met. Aspirations and ambitions we never accomplished, even when we thought we gave it a fair push or what might feel like we gave it our all. I hear it all the time, “You don’t understand Satori, I gave it my all. I did my best, and it still didn’t happen. I have tried everything.”

Most of the time it was not even your fault… and I’ll tell you why in just a moment.

But before I do. I want to explain something we often forget to think about…

We all live in a world that is moving so rapidly, yet it may feel like you’re standing still like you’re not moving toward what you want fast enough, right?

We live in a world where so many us are overwhelmed, overworked, we’re spread thin. We have a million plates spinning at all times, trying to make everything important. As a result, nothing becomes important.Click To Tweet

Nothing gets the necessary focus and attention.

Therefore, we get halfass results. If we’re being honest, (brutally honest, which I recommend) we can see where we’re half assing things, right?

I don’t know about you if you see this… but I can see it all around. People giving halfass attention to things, not being present.

They’re exhausted. They’re being halfass parents (doing a lot, trying to be perfect to the outside world, but they’re not present, quickly lose their temper, feeding their kids crap because it’s more convenient).

In their intimate relationship (they rarely stop to see each other, to touch, to have a meaningful conversation, outside of just their daily to-do’s and coordinating schedules.

Are you with me?

They’re not connected to their dreams or aspirations.

At the end of the night, they’re stuck in front Netflix to zone out. And once in a while, they rub against each other for some variety.

Same at work. People doing a halfass job at work (they’re bored, disengaged, distracted, trying to get away with the least possible).

I get it, believe me. Like I said a minute ago, it’s not even your fault. But it’s time to take ownership for it so we can make a real shift.

Even if you didn’t make the mess, if you want to take command of your business, of your life, you have to own the responsibility to clean up the mess…Click To Tweet

Which leads us to an even greater problem most people don’t even know they have and it’s causing a lot of pain for business owners, leaders, and individuals. It’s causing problems for moms and dads in how they raise their children…

…And that is…

We’ve been indoctrinated and trained to adopt other’s values rather than our own, trying to pursue other’s dreams, not our own, believing those are the right dreams, the right values…

it’s kinda a good girl, good boy syndrome dominating our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

We so much want to please others, tippy-toeing and not wanting to disappoint which is why so many of us walk around unfulfilled, dissatisfied and feeling empty.

We have been chasing social conditioning, a fantasy and you can see it on social media all the time.

Can’t you?

“Oh wow, look at that body, I want a body like that.” “Look at that beautiful home, I want to live like that.”

A few years ago client calls me on the phone, and we start talking about her direction and what she really believes is most important to her. I ask, “What do you want?”

“Okay, so for my business, I want to have a fully automated business that brings me a crap ton of money every year, and I want to work with super high-end clients.”

“Define a crap ton,” I ask her.

“A million dollars a year.”

“That’s roughly about $83,000 a month, a little bit more, to get to a million. That’s before taxes.”

“Wow, okay. See, that just… Now, I’m just like…”

I interrupt her. “Because your brain goes like, that’s not achievable for me, right?”

“Yeah, and I think, ‘Holy shit! The amount of work I need to do to get to $83,000 a month when I’m slogging my guts out trying to make $10,000 just doesn’t seem worth it almost to me. I realize that there is obviously a smarter way. There’s a gap there between the work it takes to get to $83,000 a month versus $10,000 a month.”

The first thing to look at here is, she says she wants something but hasn’t even identified what it actually takes to get there. It’s just an idea.

This is the difference between the fantasy and really knowing what you want. You have the thing you want, but you’re not even clear on what’s required to get there, what the effort is to get there.

I asked her, “Tell me first, why do you want that? Why do you want a million-dollar business?”

“Because I want to have the kind of lifestyle and business where I’m traveling around the world, inspiring people, and holding big VIP retreats in exotic destinations.”

“Why do you want that? Let’s go deeper.”

“Because honestly, when I write that down, I feel like it’s just my fate. That’s just who I am and what’s going to happen for me. That’s how I feel about it.”

We kept going several layers deeper.

We can’t just go on feelings. We need a plan. We need daily rituals and habits.

You see, whatever we want we can’t be apologetic about it. We’ve got to claim the space. Put your feet into the ground, own it, and feel it all the way through your body.

No apologies. Decide who you need to become in order to own that future.Click To Tweet

What are the daily habits you need to put in place?

Maybe the ONE daily habit is to make sure you own the right thinking so you can make all other actions be natural for you.

You’ve got to be like an unapologetic puma, or lion, or tiger. They don’t go, “Oh, I’m sorry miss Gazelle, I want to eat you. Is that ok with you?”

Most people lack clarity and understanding. They underestimate the time, the money, the energy, and the effort needed. Most people try to get away with doing the minimum and putting in the least amount of effort.

It’s not that what you want is impossible. It’s not that you can’t achieve it. But you underestimate the actual effort, and so that’s why you’ve got to think…

“What do I really want? Why do I want it, and who do I need to become to make what I want real?” Create urgency for yourself. Make it matter.

No apologies. No holding back.

WHY THIS MATTERS:

Why am saying this?

Because if we don’t start by identifying who we are, what we want, truly want (not based on fantasy or what we believe will give is us more respect, appreciation, love or significance from other people) we’ll be chasing the wrong targets.

If we want to achieve the goals and dreams that truly matter, create a meaningful life and be in command our lives, of our businesses, our health, our family and not be seduced by the opinions of others, we must understand the truth.

Are you getting this? Are you getting the importance of this?

I remember when I started coaching tennis pros…it’s a really focused sport. Apart from strategy and skill, it’s very psychology driven. Meaning if you don’t take command of your thinking as a pro, it’s going to be tough.

I thought, “This seems like fun I want to play too.” I also thought it would give me an edge when I coach my clients.

I googled the pro tennis store in our area and found one in Westlake.

I’m like, “Family get in the car, we’re going to play tennis together.” I went to a pro store looking for rackets. The guy working in the store, really cool guy from Australia asked me about want kind of string I wanted.

Of course, I wanted the best. He made sure we all got the right size rackets. I got a $250 racket. A Roger Federer model (the best in the world).

He even included two cans of balls. I asked him if knew any pro coaches. He used to play pro himself. He said he coached but he was so busy. He was coaching a lot of top athletes, one of them Wayne Gretzky (the hockey legend and his family) but he would hook me up with someone really great.

We jump in the car, to head back home. We’re going to play tennis. I take the family to the tennis court where we live. We played for about 30 mins.

It happened 2 more times.

Now I have a $250 tennis racket standing in the corner in my bedroom.

The reality is, I don’t practice. I don’t have a tennis coach. I don’t watch tennis. I don’t read about it.

I was more in love with the idea of tennis that the actual activity of learning.

You see, nobody has to remind me or push me or try to motivate me to read or study or teach personal growth or business growth. Things that help you elevate your performance or get you an edge in life…

I love that kinda stuff.

Think about it, what are the things you love to do? What are the things you would do or feel inspired to spend your time on even if you didn’t get paid or received recognition for it?

You see that’s how you start identifying your real values, not the fake ones you’ve been told you “should” value.

This is why so many people are unfulfilled and need external motivation to do things.

You can take this principle into any area of life. I mean some people love to workout. They don’t need anyone to push them. They feel inspired from within, and they keep making progress in that area.

Others, hate it and they won’t work out no matter how much you nag them, try to push them or pump them up.

When you learn to appreciate and honor others values they can become truly complementary and add to your life, instead of thinking you have to change them to fit into your agenda.

Same thing if you want to influence yourself or others to enjoy certain activities and be more productive in business.

I have a client who was going for a new certification for his business. He really wanted to outperform his competition so he could own a bigger market share.

There was a problem.

He was terrified to take the test because he had the belief that he wasn’t book smart. Not only that, he would get so distracted and overwhelmed that he just wouldn’t do it.

Once I understood his values, I connected his values to the actual activities of studying so he could see the benefits of how the activities were going to help him and lead him to achieve his values.

The moment we accomplished that, the moment he could see how he was going to make millions of dollars, how he was going to be able to support his team to be happier, help them be more efficient and how he was going to be able to serve his clients deeper, while out-earning his competition he was all in.

We time blocked his study to make sure he would this most important activity first thing in the morning, and it became a habit he enjoyed doing.

When you connect activities to your values they become meaningful. Activities without purpose, without connection to what matters to you, becomes painful.Click To Tweet

This is why people abandon their goals and feel like failures by the time mid-February comes around and they have not followed through on their New Year resolution.

It wasn’t real, to begin with. It was not connected to their values. It was a fantasy.

“But, Satori, you don’t understand I really wanted to lose 20lb. But Satori, you don’t understand, I really wanted to make $100K, $1million dollars, $10 million dollars.”

No, you were more in love with the idea, the fantasy of that target than the actual activity and work required to get it.

When you’re aligned with your values, you take steps toward it. You don’t need reminding.

My wife, Emily and the three boys were walking in the mall the other day and they walked by an art store where kids can take an art class while parents are shopping.

Milo our oldest, loves to paint and does it every day at home, so Emily asked him if he wanted to take a class. His first response was no.

Most parents like to say things to convince their kids, right? “But you like to paint. Why don’t you try it.”

Anyway, Emily didn’t do that she started talking to the person running the store just to find out how it worked.

Milo walked around in the store and he saw a picture of Foxy on the wall… Which is this character from the Five nights at Freddy’s series. (This didn’t exist when I was little).

All of a sudden he lights up like a Christmas tree and wants to do the art class right away. He loves painting, nobody has to force him to do it. But he doesn’t like to paint just anything.

The moment he saw paintings of the wall of the things he already values, (already aligned with his values) he couldn’t wait to do it. No twisting of his arm. No begging. No pleading. Completely inspired from within.

This is the best way to influence ANYBODY. Influence with what already influences the person.

That my friend is understanding the values of yourself and others.

Values are what you’ve learned to make important, usually born out of your voids. Not always. Your values are the things that influence you because you believe or perceive them to be missing in your life. Because they are important you work to fulfill those voids.

Is this making sense?

If you don’t have a relationship, what do you do?

You want to find a relationship. If you don’t have enough clients, not making enough money, what you do? You work to get more clients and more money, right?

People always ask me, so how do I know what my values are? How do I find the right ones?

There are several ways to do this, but to give something you can do right away, I’m going to give you 3 questions you can start with right away.

Oh, before I give the questions and send you on your way to find the answers, I want to clarify something important…

We’re not looking for social ideals here, I’m not interested in social conditioning. I want you be truthful with yourself.

Here’s the good news…

Your life is ALREADY demonstrating what really is important and matters to you.

The cues are there. So we’re not looking for fantasies here, we’re looking for what your life is actually showing you to be true.

I’ll give you a quick final example.

A client came to me because he wanted to build and grow a business. Whatever I asked him to do, he wouldn’t really execute on, and whatever he did execute on was not turning him on. I could feel he was not juiced about it.

After several weeks of this, I thought, I have to bring this up or we won’t make any progress.

Once I brought it up and we spoke about it, he felt so relieved. He really wanted to build a completely different business and serve a different audience.

He had started this one because he wanted to stay connected to his wife and he thought if I do what I really want she’ll be upset with me (he wasn’t fully aware of this until spoke about it).

But once he started doing what he loved, he became alive, it was like a different man.

And I want the same for you.

Get clear on your values. This is how you influence yourself naturally. This is how you influence your family, your team, and your clients to get the best results.Click To Tweet

Here are 3 simple questions to get started.

Questions:

How do you fill your environment? What I mean is, what 3 things do you fill your space with most? If you look in my environment – it’s books (on personal growth, human performance and business. Anything that will make me and my clients better). Also, you’ll find electronics like my phone and computer so I can do my work. And of course, my family. These are all things close to me.

What dominates your thoughts? Which 3 things do you think about most? I’m not talking about negative self-talk, but the things you really love thinking about most. For me, it’s how I can share my message with more people and grow our business. It’s about how I can be better, how I can master my skills and my mind so I can have a deeper impact. How I can have a deeper more meaningful relationships.

What do you most often talk to others about? I love this question because it reveals so much about our values. You see when I’m in a group of people and they talk about things I don’t like, I shut down and get kinda quiet. Don’t say so much. (Some could look at those moments and call me introvert). If they talk about things I love, I can talk for hours and you can’t get me to shut up. Notice where you lean in. Notice the conversations where you get bored and where you maybe even interrupt with your topic of choice so you can engage…

This is Satori Mateu with Halfass To Badass signing off.

Hope you enjoyed this episode. See you in the next one, the third in this trilogy where you’ll:

Get clear on how to set targets that are aligned with your values so you can get yourself and your team can be more efficient,
Get more done and…
Be fulfilled. Without pushing, without getting overwhelmed and without burnout.

Talk soon.

BOOM! How’d you like that?

Want more wealth building secrets? Go get your copy of my book. It’s called Unshakable Wealth and you can get a copy at satorigift.com

Inside this book, you’ll find my top secrets on how to dominate your life and business without apologizes.

How to own your worth, get highly paid and change the world with your message.

These are the secrets I’ve used with Olympic athletes, world-class CEO’s and leaders just like you.

Halfass to Badass