Why We Abandon Goals (it’s not what you think)...

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3 Key Points:

Find out the two key questions to ask yourself to know how to identify the right goals and targets.
Find out the ONE problem leaders have today and how you can be different.
And see how Satori removed shame and judgment from a client that thought he was lazy.

Show Notes:

Skip to: 01:31 Maybe you’re saying, “But Satori, you don’t understand, I’m already overwhelmed, I’m already stressed out, not achieving what I want fast enough, I’m already trying to motivate my team to be more engaged and efficient. It already feels like an uphill battle. What are you going to show me that I don’t already know?”…

Skip to: 03:14 What is your life already demonstrating is more important?”

Skip to: 05:42 Who made you believe pleasing others, realizing other’s dreams are more important than yours?

Skip to: 08:51 What are the targets or goals you say you’re going to do, (or think you should do) but don’t?

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FULL TRANSCRIPT:

If we want to accomplish great things in our lives, we first need to understand how to maximize our efficiency, maximize our focus and our resources and we need to do it in a way that’s sustainable.

What’s up everyone, this is Satori Mateu with a new episode of Halfass to Badass.

I’ve you ever wondered why you set targets in your life that you don’t follow through on, if you’re setting financial goals, health goals, business outcomes or try to lead a team that is not following through on the milestones you set, after this episode you will know why and what to do about it.

Sound like an awesome reason to be present?

It really is. Because the cost of not taking command of this understanding will destroy any real dreams you have, pull you away from accomplishing what matters to YOU, and wasting years being frustrated, stressed out, blaming yourself, your family, your team, wishing you would’ve done things differently.

Maybe you’re saying, “But Satori, you don’t understand, I’m already overwhelmed, I’m already stressed out, not achieving what I want fast enough, I’m already trying to motivate my team to be more engaged and efficient. It already feels like an uphill battle. What are you going to show me that I don’t already know?”

Let’s look at the problem…

We all have set goals and targets we haven’t achieved, right? All of us. The question is, were those goals or targets important?

Yes? maybe…

Here’s what I mean. “Satori, I want to make a million dollars.” “Satori I want to lose 25 pounds.” “Satori, I want to be a present dad or mom.”

I have a client in his mid 30’s who wanted to start a new business but he was already in business working with his dad. His dad really wanted him to take over the family business one day, but he didn’t.

He would be surfing the internet on the topic he was really interested in, looking at Instagram post from similar businesses that he wanted to be in. He’d be watching the clock and get into conflicts with his dad about small things.

But every time it came down to taking some real action to start his own business, (doing some deeper research, getting clear on who he wanted to serve) he would stop… and distract himself with low priority activities instead…

(scrolling social media, checking email, binge watch YouTube videos)….Then he would feel bad thinking he was lazy and just not motivated enough.

I said, “No need to feel bad. You see, as long as you’re distracting yourself with low priority activities instead of getting your business off the ground, what are you showing?

What is your life already demonstrating is more important?”

He’s like, “I don’t know.”

“I know. It’s not always easy to see. Which is why you have me talking to you right now.

Sometimes things are not what they seem to be. I know you want to start a new business and I also know you’re passionate about it. You have a strong interest in the topic. Let me ask you, what’s going to happen if you start your own business, how do you think your dad will feel about it?”

“Well, he won’t like it at all. He already told me. He keeps trying to talk me out of it.”

“Aha, I know. I also know you love your dad. I know you don’t want to disappoint him, and I know you don’t want him to disapprove of you. But here’s the thing,

As long as your dad’s opinion is more important than your own, you’ll keep living your dad’s dream instead of your own.

As long as pleasing your dad is more important than your dream, you will continue making those choices.

The problem is not that dad’s dream is more important than yours. The problem is that you think your dream “should” be more important than your dad’s and for you, it isn’t. At least not right now.

So every time you don’t go after your dream, what happens? You beat yourself up, judge yourself and feel bad about it, right?”

He goes, “Yeah. And then I blame my dad for it and we get into some stupid argument.”

“That’s right. And

...until YOU own your dream and you can share how owning your dream will not only benefit you but also benefit your dad and your family and build a legacy for years to come, you’ll keep struggling.”Click To Tweet

We finally had a deeper conversation with the whole family and I took them through our Value-Based Influence Method and found an amazing solution where everyone involved could see how their values could be met.

That’s problem number one.

You must live in alignment with your real values or you will struggle and feel resentful, and so will the people around you.

This is key.

Problem number two is…

who made you believe pleasing others, realizing other’s dreams are more important than yours?Click To Tweet

Social norms, your teachers, your parents, Instagram influencer? Are the things you’re going after even something you want to accomplish? So often we make something important, that to us really isn’t.

I grew up a martial artist, I grew up wanting to have abs like Bruce Lee.

My dad trained my whole life, one of the highest values in life was fitness. He would always talk to me about have washboard abs. So when I didn’t have them I would feel bad. I would feel like a failure.

I don’t know how many times I’ve stood in front of the mirror flexing my muscles.

When I was running my martial art school and competing I was ripped, but it took hours of daily training. Lived and breathed Martial arts. I even lived in my Dojo because I wanted to do the traditional way.

Back then Fitness and Martial Arts was one of my highest values.

When I stopped with Martial Arts and later became a dad when I was not working out for hours every day when I gained the pregnancy weight (you know what I mean when I ate banana splits like it was going out of style. I gained 20lbs. If you didn’t hear the story you can go back and listen to episode five.

Anyway, I eat healthy 90% of the time. I take walks, hike, I stretch, breathe, meditate. I do infrared saunas, and a bunch of other cool stuff to take care of my health.

Do I work out for hours every day like I used to? NO. Do I wish I was ripped and had six packs abs right now? Yes. And that’s exactly what it is. A wish. More like a fantasy.

Here’s the thing….

Could I achieve it if I was committed to it? Absolutely.

But I’m not.

What am I saying? If I was like, “I’m going to do 300 sit-ups every day. I’m going to do a hundred push-ups. I’m going to run a marathon.” I’m going to eat broccoli every day. I know I would be setting myself up for failure. Not because I’m not capable. Because it’s not what I value anymore. Let me clarify what I mean.

Do I appreciate and well defined, trained body? Yes. Would it be nice to have? Yes.

But there are other things that matter to me more. Connecting with my family is more important to me. Talking to you right now is more important to me. I spend hours every week to prepare for you and I to have this conversation. My mission is more important to me right now.

Therefore, if I set a target to workout every day. I know I won’t fulfill on it.

Think about it.

What are the targets or goals you say you’re going to do, (or think you should do) but don’t?

You see some people, have so many disappointments with reaching goal or hitting targets, they’re like, “I don’t set goals anymore.” it’s too painful.

They don’t want to experience the disappointment and failure, over and over again.

I’m like, “No…

It’s not that you can’t achieve your goals, it’s not that they’re out of your reach, it’s that you’re setting goals that don’t really matter to you.Click To Tweet

But you think they ‘should’. You think this goal makes you smarter, more successful, a better person. You think you’ll be more respected, be more loved.”

This is where the lie lives…

Instead of doing what actually matters you’re spending your time pretending to value things because the world, society, family or colleagues told you, you should.

So what happens?

You become inconsistent, you don’t follow through on activities, you come up with a bunch or reasons, rationalizations or lies, to why you’re not doing it, why you’re not following through. Haven’t you done that?

I know I have.

But here’s why. It wasn’t aligned with your values, to begin with. Haven’t you made commitments, that once you made them, you went, “Agh, why did I say yes to that? I shouldn’t have agreed to this stupid thing.”

It’s not that the thing was stupid, it’s just that you made a commitment or said yes to something that was not aligned with your values. A now you feel like you have to force yourself to do it. You have to push yourself. Motivate yourself. Are you following?

It became more important to please someone else, more important not to disappoint or lose respect, than saying no.

It doesn’t have to be that way.

In precision based growth, which you may have heard me talk about in other episodes. We remove the friction. We remove the overwhelm and stress. We remove anything that doesn’t maximize your energy, your productivity, your revenue, anything that slows you down and doesn’t make you better.

Why?

Because if you don’t show up as the best you, the badass you, how are you going to be making your biggest contribution?Click To Tweet

How you are going to be a badass leader of your organization, be the kind of badass mom or dad your kids deserve, be the kind of spouse that inspires growth, right?

You can’t!

And most important, how are you going to be the kind of YOU that inspires you to fulfill on your purpose, fulfill on your most meaningful life?

Are you getting this? You understand why this is so important?

There’s a new science of achievement, it’s something I’ve taught for more than for than two decades, so it doesn’t feel new to me but finally, science is backing things up that I’ve taught for years but didn’t have the proof to show it. It’s so exciting.

If we try to do it the old way, we’re going to get overwhelmed, stressed out, frustrated and end up burning out ourselves and our teams.

We’re not looking to go wide, but deep, we want to remove everything that slows you down.

If we want to accomplish more than before we can’t follow the old way. A real badass knows when to say no and when to say yes. Click To Tweet

Neuroscience has proven that our brains are wired to accomplish and give focus to ONE specific object at any moment in time. That’s when we’re performing at our best.

The inability of leaders to focus is a gigantic problem in our world today.

Focusing on ONE, max two things that really matter means narrowing down your focus on the essentials and eliminating the friction and non-essentials despite the day-to-day demands, distractions, and the constant whirlwind.

That’s WHY if you want to influence yourself or someone else you first want to understand what already influences them.

We started in our last episode to get clear on what YOU value, which will simplify your process on where to put your focus. Which is really exciting, right?

I’m assuming you did do the assignment getting clear on your values, am I right? If you didn’t go back and answer the questions and go deep, please. I promise you will thank me.

Now if you’re clear on your values, on what’s important to you, (not setting fantasy goals or going after things to just build status in the eyes of others) you’ll notice that your life is already demonstrating where to invest more of your time, focus and energy.

So then when you set goals that are specific and measurable and aligned with your values (things that truly matter to you) you can own them.Click To Tweet

You’ll be able to influence yourself to take action without resistance, without wanting to come up with excuses, with feeling like you should be doing something else.

So what’s the secret to influence and achieving what you want and not fail or disappoint yourself over and over…? You want to set goals that are specific, measurable and winnable.

Set targets you can own. Aligned with your values.

Let me give you a few critical nuances to setting targets. Definitely not new, but so rarely practiced. I can’t tell you how rare it is for people to actually communicate and be clear on what they are after.

Most companies I’ve had the opportunity to mentor, big or small, make this vague, fluffy and very often uninspiring.

The simple formula is, “From X to Y by when. This way it recognizes where you are today, where you want to go, and the deadline for when you will reach that goal.

Most people and organizations lack this level of clarity.

Most people who set targets lack a finish line, they can’t tell if they completed the goal or not and where they stand at any given time.

An example… “Increase revenue from 300K to 1.5 million by December 31st, 2019.”

See how to clear that is?

Reduce body fat from 31% to 20% by July 30th. Gives you were you are, let’s you know when you’ve hit your target and by when you want it to happen.

Let’s say you have kids, and you don’t have any meaningful quality time with your significant other… You want to grow your marriage. What could that sound like? Improve our intimacy by increasing date nights from 0 to 2 per month by Dec 31.

Is this making sense. Is it clear?

Of course, before you start setting targets, we want to be clear on our real values. Cool? Ok!

If you already know your values

Here are two simple questions you can ask to discover the answer of your target…

If every area of my life (or teams performance, or my marriage, or my health) remained the same, what ONE specific area could use the biggest improvement?
What’s the biggest obstacle in my life (or in my productivity, my sales, in my communication, in building and growing my business) slowing me down, that if removed would elevate my performance most?

Whatever area you want to grow, get clear and be specific.

Of course, once you know the target, we must understand that targets without specific activities won’t get you anywhere. That makes sense right? Just because you have set a target, in other words, you have your destination, you must know which activity that will most likely take you there.

This will be the topic of a brand new episode.

Hope you enjoyed this influence trilogy. If you know someone who can benefit, share the episodes.

I’m also very excited to share with that we have some really cool interviews lined for you, that I know you’ll love. Some really cool badasses coming to share their secrets and knowledge with you.

Until next time, get super clear on your values, make sure you’re not living someone else’s dream, or fail to follow through on your set targets because you set some fantasy goal without knowing the requirement to get you there.

We don’t become the best by half-assing things. Are you with me?

…AND remember YOU are a NATURAL BORN BADASS…

Halfass to Badass

Why We Abandon Goals (it’s not what you think)…