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3 Key Points:
- Find out how to break the fantasy of living someone else’s life.
- Find out how to remove friction, stress and overwhelm.
- Learn how Satori sees work-life balance and how it looks in his life.
Skip to: 01:20 Most entrepreneurs before they start working with us have a million plates spinning at all times, and they have a hard time structuring their thoughts and don’t know how to remove the growing stress in their life.
Skip to: 02:11 What’s killing entrepreneurs and families today is the fantasy and illusion of this perfectly balanced life with no stress and no complexities.
Skip to: 05:36 “I’m in command of my business. I’m in charge of how I live my life, of my time and how I take care of my family.”
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What is balance? So many entrepreneurs talk about work-life balance and how important it is. But according to whose definition?
Hey my friends, Satori Mateu here and welcome to a brand NEW episode of Halfass to Badass. In today’s episode, we’re going to talk about why a balanced life is a lie and why you don’t want to be seeking it.
If you ever find yourself struggling with how to organize your thoughts, maybe you’re overwhelmed with how to prioritize or feeling stressed about what to focus on I want you to know, first, you’re not alone. Second, if you want a more effective, more meaningful structure to your day, today’s little chat will give you clarity and give you a new perspective on the idea of work-life balance.
I did a google search on work-life balance and I received 1 million 690 000 results in a heartbeat.
Most entrepreneurs before they start working with us have a million plates spinning at all times, and they have a hard time structuring their thoughts and don’t know how to remove the growing stress in their life.
They work so hard to have a functional family. They want a thriving business, but there’s a constant battle between dropping and picking kids up from school, driving them to after-school programs, keeping a clean home, cooking, having date nights, fitting in their meditation or yoga, making sure everyone in the family feels seen. Keeping up with their social life, while not dropping the ball on their finances, making sure bills are being paid. You know what I’m talking about, right?
So if we think about it, we can conclude that we’re all striving to keep the plates spinning without dropping or breaking any of them. True?
It’s an aim to have a balanced life, fair to say?What’s killing entrepreneurs and families today is the fantasy and illusion of this perfectly balanced life with no stress and no complexities.Click To Tweet
Instead, it creates complexities. Here’s what I mean.
Why would we want to create a work-life balance based on some fantasy society, or social media put in front of us? Doesn‘t make any sense. It just creates unnecessary friction. Yeah, let’s overload our kids with activities and playdates so we can be good parents that give our kids opportunities, and let’s post on social media every three hours so we can stand out and won’t get left in the dust by our competitors. And let’s buy every course, attend every conference, and oh, by the way, make sure you get those washboard abs and sign up for the next triathlon. That sounds intelligent.
No. It makes no sense.
So instead of overwhelming and stressing yourself out, judging yourself that you have to be or fit in to some kinda fantasy criteria, wouldn’t it make a lot more sense to strip away the friction, remove all the stuff that in the end just makes you mediocre because you’re not focused and you’re spread too thin. What if instead, you were super clear on what really matters to you to your business, to your family and found those core critical areas that really moved the needle for you.
The name of the game is called Precision Based Growth. We also call it Deliberate Growth.
Here’s the big picture. We know if we can agree that the money you want, the family you want and energy you want to build a life that is sustainable doesn’t come from doing a million things and doing everything half-ass, but rather doing a few critical things right outside your comfort zone, with focus and intention and being very deliberate.
Because this is where the real growth happens. It’s a scientific fact, well known in neuroscience. You with me?
Knowing that then we can also agree that it doesn’t make any sense to give everything equal importance. When you make everything important nothing becomes important. Nothing gets the necessary attention and focus to create momentum.
So in the precision based growth approach, you ask yourself, what do I want? What do I really want? Not based on the all familiar past, not what everyone else thinks I should want or create? But based on an unknown, unpredictable future. You’re creating from a clean slate.
Then you ask, in order for me to achieve this what are the core key activities that will help me get there most predictably? In other words, not all actions are equally effective. And what do I need to remove from my life to eliminate friction, to remove stress and overwhelm and accelerate growth? We’re talking thoughts, emotions, habits (internal and external) You may say, “Hey, I want to make more sales, I want to bring in more business, have a bigger impact.”
And you notice that the first thing you do in the morning is to check your inbox because you “think” you have to and you feel bad if you don’t. So it becomes an addiction. But then you realize that you’re no longer going to be a slave and living in reaction to everyone else’s demand, right? So you’re like,
“I’m in command of my business. I’m in charge of how I live my life, of my time and how I take care of my family.”
So what do you do? After your morning routine (focusing on your well being, first, of course) your first time block for work is now dedicated to building key relationships and closing new business.
This means you’re now consciously focusing and giving attention to activities that will maximize growth and meaning. It creates a ripple effect. You’re helping more people. Bringing in more revenue. Growing your company. Removing stress. Sleeping better. You’re being more present with your family and more fulfilled. Got it?
Here’s what happens when you do this. First, you get tremendous clarity, and we’re cutting out all the unnecessary, unwanted stuff; the thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and habits that got you stuck, to begin with, and you’re simplifying your life, your business and growing like crazy. You’re removing internal and external obstacles that in the past would’ve slowed you down and even making what would’ve been impossible to achieve, possible. How cool is that?
You’re literally changing timelines because when you remove friction and focus on what matters, everything accelerates. Are you getting this? I hope you do because this is so key to the entrepreneurial life and if you want life optimization. And we create and design this for our clients all the time. Because we know the other road leads to burnout, disease, divorce, and disengagement. Not very inspiring. Do you agree?
We could, of course, go much deeper on this, but I just wanted to give you something to spark some inspiration as you think about your life and how you design your work-life balancing act. Because that’s what it is, but it’s not what you’ve been indoctrinated to believe. It’s more like a counterbalancing act.
To give you a peek into how this counterbalancing act looks for me. My office and my work life is mainly from home… and it’s intentional, that’s how I want it.
I don’t have to spend two hours a day in L.A traffic, no need to plan when to best leave or come home.
And since my 3 boys are world schooled, every morning instead of fighting traffic we take a family morning walk together. We have home cooked family lunches and dinners most days of the week. And very often I can take a break in the afternoon and play with my family in the pool. Have some fresh cut watermelon and enjoy their company.
Does that mean I don’t have to focus and take command of my time? Of course not. I’m just very intentional about it. Does it mean, I never get interrupted? Don’t get asked questions, “Dad can you draw for me, dad can you find my backpack, dad can you wrestle with us? Can we watch a movie?”
Are there moments when my boys are playing in the shower, being loud and splashing water all over the bathroom floor and need my help? Yes.
But you see, it’s by design. It’s by choice.
I have my blocked morning routine. I have my morning team meetings. My blocked key activities before lunch. My time blocks for when I serve my client. I have my 20 min research time when I might read a book. I do that in the sun in my shorts so I can get healthy light on my body, feed my brain, get some vitamin D and be away from the junk light from my computer.
If you’re wondering if I ever wish to get more done at the end of the day or if there are days when I wish I had more energy or didn’t have to be stuck on the phone with the bank for an hour. The answer is yes, of course.
But I look at where do I invest 90% of my energy and focus? And honestly, because my life is by design because I have determined what truly matters to me, where I’m most productive. Where I make the biggest difference. And how I can serve my mission of creating millions of focused and deliberate entrepreneurs that produce more with less – where they have more meaning, productivity, and more growth;
a deliberate, simplified and fulfilling life and business,
I am so grateful. I can’t even imagine doing it any other way.
So many people leave for work early in the morning. Come home late at night when their kids are sleeping, see their spouse maybe for an hour if they’re lucky before it’s time to go to sleep. They only get a few hours to connect on the weekend. Not how I want to live. But nobody gave me this lifestyle or way of working. It was created.
Sometimes people make themselves so busy because it makes them feel important. I rather let my mission be important and find the most efficient way to make it happen. You see, only when I have the illusion or fantasy that I won’t have any friction, or when I have imbalanced perceptions do I feel stressed and out of balance.
The dream you want, the body you want, the business, the marriage may never happen if you don’t take command, or wait for the perfect time. What do I mean? When you think “some-day we’ll do that.” “When the kids grow up we’ll take that vacation.” “When we make enough money, then we’ll spend more time together…”.Don’t wait. Don’t wait for that fantasy life that is designed by someone else. It won’t work. It has to be your design. Click To Tweet
A Balanced life is determined by your values. Not dictated by the painted fantasy of the culture.
Never let it get so far that there’s no way back…
The core definition of Balance is stability, equilibrium, to create the correct proportions (which means we may need to add or remove the things that are not in alignment with what is really important to you, not what others think you should prioritize…
Let me tell you what balance is NOT…
Balance is NOT putting equal focus of your time with your kids, spouse, friends, or work because everything is not equally important to you at this moment in time. That’s just creating an unrealistic expectation on yourself that is not achievable. It will just create unnecessary stress. Are you with me?
Balance is not something static. It’s constantly moving. To create equilibrium you’re actually constantly looking for a way to counterbalance. A great example of that is ballerina, right? When you see her on stage and she’s on her toes, she looks so graceful and balanced, right? But if we were to zoom in and have a close-up on her toes we can see a back and forth counterbalancing action going on which gives us the experience of balance.
Balance is also about understanding and evaluating benefits versus drawbacks, advantages versus disadvantages. Is this making sense? You’re assessing, and making estimations. This is what makes you adaptable and flexible. But remember, it’s moving. It’s not static.
Balance is a constant balancing act of navigating your life and business so that you’re constantly growing (you’re deliberately pushing in one area and not in another to achieve maximum growth). That means that sometimes you will give something disproportionate energy, time and focus. It’s not equal. Or you won’t get momentum. But it’s deliberate, intentional and done with precision.
When you hear, “I need to find more balance”. They are saying, I’m not aligned with my values. They are living according to someone else’s agenda. Think more in terms of an act of balancing which means different things to different people depending on what they value.
When you’re balanced (or balancing in alignment with your values) you’re poised, you’re equilibrated, moving and growing toward what matters to you most.
When you’re balanced you’re in harmony with yourself and your environment (environment includes the people and things in your life.) Think of a group singing together in harmony… they are harmonizing together, and it sounds beautiful. And when it’s off pitch, what is it like? Out of harmony, right? It’s painful.
So when you start recognizing and becoming aware of where you’re out of tune; where your work, family, and self is not harmonizing you can start to get clear of how you’re out of balance so you can navigate yourself back into the counterbalancing act. It’s your internal and external tuning system when you pay attention.
Think of it like the Teeter totter approach to life and business. There are big oscillations from one side to the other (and it’s needed, this is where the growth happens). And other times you’re in the middle doing the balancing act.
Another way of saying that is Counterpoise. Is a counterbalancing force or weight that pulls you back into equilibrium, into balance. Remember, if we look closer, it’s still moving. But you don’t want to be there all the time, do you? And how much fun would that be anyway? It kind of takes away the pushing and the bouncing of the Teeter totter, right? You want both. And it’s in your control. But you’ve got to start by making the evaluation of what is right for you.
I want you to explore and evaluate what creates that for you…
Before we finish our episode today let me ask you and just answer for yourself as honest as you can… it’s not about giving a “good” answer. It’s about what’s right for you…
Are you working too long without any breaks? Not taking time to recharge?
Are you not working enough so you’re not feeling productive like you’re not growing or making progress in your business?
What about home? Does your intimate relationship or your relationship with your kids, or friends feel stagnant, like you’ve lost connection? Or do you feel it’s just the way you want it to be?
Is your sleeping out of balance? I’m talking both quantitatively and qualitatively. Are the amount of hours and the quality of sleep in place so you feel rested and wake up with energy? Or are you tired?
Are your daily activities meaningful, productive, profitable and energy producing?
Whatever you answered, is fine. This is not to judge yourself but rather to observe and tell yourself the truth so you can make the adjustments that you and your family, and your team deserves (and when I say your team, I’m talking about anybody whose life is impacted by your choices) Cool?
Hope this has been a valuable episode for you and if you know someone who could use a little different perspective and make some counterbalancing adjustments in their life and business, please feel free to share it with them. Thank you for listening and take it easy.